Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
