hotel room ftw
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
