you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
