hotel room ftw
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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