She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You made out with two different species that night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
