my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
