butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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