so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
