Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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