I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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