The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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