i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
