The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
