So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
