Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
