your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
