Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
