so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
