..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
