addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Couch. On fire.
Randomize