At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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