I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
These tits shall not be calmed
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