Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
