Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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