So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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