I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
