She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
