I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
