Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
