Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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