she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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