god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
