I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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