My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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