508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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