We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
