No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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