I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
