i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bring me that man meat
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
