Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
