Me. At least after what I've been through.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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