I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ttyl tear gas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
