Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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