That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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