Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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