found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
