Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're completely useless in the revolution.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
