it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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