Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
