there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
