Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
