i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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