we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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