My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
