Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
