my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
