Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
