You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
