at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
