i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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