I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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