I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize
