All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
